Thursday, March 29, 2007

Rehab

After writing my last post, I decided to take action against my celeb gossip addiction. It's much more difficult than I thought it would be.

I am resisting every impulse to check out MSN gossip after I sign out of my inbox. So far, I've been able to navigate away from that page quickly enough, although I do often find myself mindlessly scrolling down the page. It's funny how habitual this has become.

Each day before work, I pass a magazine store that's located around the corner from my office. Cunningly enough, they have prominently displayed their US Weeklys and their Star Magazines. I have yet to check my impulses to turn my head to read all the headlines. It would do me alot of good to keep looking straight ahead.

Instead, I now have inklings of what's going on in Hollywood. Enough to drive me mad with curiousity. Is Katie Holmes really pregnant? And is Tom tracking her every move? Do Brangelina really fight all the time? And are Angelina's adoptions really as humanitarian as she would have the world believe?

I. Must. Know.

But I am trying to NOT find out! The true test of this goal will take place at the Y tomorrow. Since Extra is aired simultaneous to my visit, I will have to work really hard to ignore those particular flat screens, as the closed captioning will surely pull me back into the forbidden gossip zone.

This is going to be really difficult.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Hit Me Baby, One More Time


You know, I sort of miss Britney Spears' antics. She's been remarkably good since leaving rehab. Watching her go crazy publicly was one of those gory car accident kind of events-- you just can't help looking even though you really, really know you shouldn't.

I doubt that I am alone in this. I confess to watching ET on the limited selection of television channels at the gym, and every fifth story has something to do with her shaving her head, what's going on with the custody of her kids?, her rehab romance, and how much money this girl is worth. So in one way, I am at fault for actively seeking out more dirt on perezhilton.com, but in another way, I am forced to watch.

(I guess I *could* just turn to a different channel on my headphones, but I think that network news is absolutely godawful. It's even more dumbed-down and ridiculous than the gossip shows in some ways.)

I've been trying to justify my somewhat upsetting curiosity about all of this by pretending that my voyeurism is really just an intellectual attempt at understanding the nature of fame. We as a nation of gossip queens should accept responsibilty for creating this mess of a pop star. Have you seen footage of the paparazzi stalking this girl? Our lust for info on the private lives of public people has ventured into the world of psychotic behavior! But it's completely endorsed by the prying eyes of the general public! And this includes yours truly!

I think I need some rehab of my own. Some counseling, perhaps, on how to restrain myself from picking up any US Weekly that has some blurb about Britney-and-KFed or Britney's-drug-problems! or will-Britney-record-again? Because, I have not yet found the wherewithal to abstain from this horrible cyclical vortex of celebrity gossip.

Somebody help me, please!

Friday, March 23, 2007

WHAT-atory?

The word "conservatory" is an interesting one, particularly when applied to this school. One of the non-music school definitions of the word is "a place where things are preserved."

Thinking about it from a purely linguistic point of view, a conservatory is meant to save a particular type of knowledge, keeping it in a metaphorical mason jar for others to learn and benefit from in one way or another. This would imply that an idea is simply too valuable to lose and must be retained for the sake of its own livelihood. It would also imply that these ideas come from a source that is far removed from us, a school of thought that is so particular that it would be shameful to allow it to slowly die out.

It makes sense that certain places of higher learning that are specifically dedicated to music are necessary. I'm thinking mainly about European Schools, and maybe one or two other prestigious music schools. I think trouble arises when the idea of conserving one's music thoughts becomes more of a title than a practicality. It's even worse when the idea of creating a music school becomes more a copy cat venture (read: a business) than a self-respecting institution of its own merit.

Surely, the school in question has managed to create a name amongst musicians, especially those who don't go to school there. It is good news for that particular place that its reputation precedes it. If people knew the truth behind the facade, though, I would hope that it would be a different story.

For a place of such musical prestige, why are there no hard core musicology classes? Or theory classes with any clout? Why pretend that this place is at all academically rigorous, that they have quality music instruction, and then subject anyone who is seeking a post grad certificate to taking the same (yet worse!) classes than they did at their previous institution? The chamber music program is also laughable, because they are solely taught by conductor-addicted orchestral musicians. Not to mention, it's a ridiculous notion to charge outrageous tuition to hire faculty who will undoubtedly be committed to touring three weeks of semester. And, WHY THE TWO WEEK SPRING BREAK!?!

We all know that these kids are counting on those few words on their diploma to do all the hard work for them. It seems completely obvious that no one would bother to practice given an entire 15 days of freedom. The joke's on them anyway, hiring some famous conductor immediately following these two weeks of music student debauchery.... although it is a shame that none of these budding professional musicians will be held accountable for that travesty.

Actually, I know why the long break. It's so the school can host thousands of applicants for their audition circus, so that they can keep the rank and file moving. So they can pick out some fresh meat in time to deposit indebted kids on the sidewalk with no practical skill to speak of. Hey, I can play the cello! Will you buy me a sandwich for a cello suite?

Not that I hope the place folds, though. The last thing I want is for those degrees that place churns out become worthless. A better fate might be that the students demand a better education, or at least more practical advice about making a career in music. Marketing, for example, providing outreach to children or managing one's finances as a freelancer would be respectable and practical classes that a conservatory such as the one in question might think of including. Those are ideas that are worth conserving.

Somebody Save Me

So no one wants to hear about my pain and suffering, eh? Well, you can't hide for too long. Chances are fairly good that my withheld feelings will come spilling forth if contained. And remember, the personal is political!

Since I'm keeping Spot waiting, here's my list o' reasons that Smallville, well, rocks. (If you didn't catch that joke, it's a pun-full reference to one of the main themes of the show, the meteor rocks. But I guess you'd have to be watching first, which apparently you aren't.)

As you know, Superman is a All-American pop culture icon that has been around since 1932, in one form or another. This longevity creates an interesting playing field for the show, since everyone knows the Superman lore. He's a national phenomenon. Because of this, the producers work hard to find a balance between what we know about Superman and what we don't. And they have, as a stroke of genius, decided to focus on Clark's upbringing in Smallville, which begs many interesting questions (many of which are almost philosophical):


What does it mean to be Superman? How would a normal Kansan boy react to finding out that not only is in possession of superpowers, but he's also from another planet? What does this mean for his self-realization, to be brought up as a farm boy but yet to be pulled away by the mystical lore of who he really is? Would Superman even be Superman, the force of absolute good, had he been raised on Krypton? Is Superman the product of his powers alone, or was he raised in such a way as to be a true hero?

These questions have played out beautifully throughout the seasons I've watched (at present, I am midway through season three). Time and again, Clark's powers are put to the test. And by powers in that previous sentence, I mean both his physical abilities and his morality. In keeping with the theme of the series, one of the main issues Clark must face is that he is to keep his strength and other superpowers a secret from every one. This comes at a great cost, as Clark is not close with his extended family, and he must keep the girl of his dreams at bay; it is one of the many traceable elements throughout the show and plays out in many different ways.


A brilliant element of Smallville is that the audience gets to watch Clark develop all of his abilities, from their most raw and uncontrolled state to the final mastery of each skill. The shows in which Clark develops some new superhero skill are my favorite episodes; not only am I fascinated by what he can physically do (a surprise to me, since I already knew much of it from the whole "fast than a speeding bullet" intro) but so is Clark! There's an interesting combination of precognition in that mix: I know what Clark is capable of, but he does not. Yet watching this unfold is ultimately riveting and quite fun to watch.

Along with the development of these new skills (like X-ray vision, heat vision, and super speed) is the development of special effects that really bring this to life. X-ray vision really looks like x-ray vision, not some cheap guesstimation of what an x-ray should look like. Heat vision really appears to be radiation emitted from Clark's eyes. Super speed is also a great special effect, as the CGI team really helps us to realize that super speed is really manipulation of time and space. Superman has control over physics!

This is all not to mention the pyrotechnics involved in this show. There's an explosion or a car crash or something equally awesome in every single episode. As a result of these calamities, Clark must perform yet another amazing feat to save the day, which usually involves even more CGI fun. Plus, Clark is always smart enough to figure these crimes out on his own (with the aid of the show's resident intrepid reporter), which makes the rescue always watchable and never hackneyed.


Reason No. 8,l90 that Smallville is an incredible show is that the writers make absolutely sure that there is a plausible, semi-scientific reason for each and every special power or plot twist. This show does more than heap a bunch of superpowers on an innocent kid and put him in an environment with a bunch of criminals and cases to solve. Most every strange incident is (at this point) somehow traceable to the meteor rocks, and each and every one of Clark's abilities is backed up with a realistic claim (like the super speed/manipulation of time idea). This must be so, or else I would find the show completely intolerable.


My final reason (in this post, at least) for being smitten by this particular TV drama is that I am completely in love with Lex Luthor. He's so hot. Not only is the actor in great shape, but his wardrobe is fantastic and his character is in absolute control of every situation that comes his way, even under the corrupting influence of his father. This, by the way, is an interesting twist on the usual nemesis plot in Superman lore. In Smallville, Clark and Lex are friends. The main draw of the show is that we know that they will eventually become mortal enemies. But, what's behind an evil genius? What is it in his past that leads him down the route of evil? This, in a nutshell, is what Smallville seeks to show us.


So, to tally it up, we've got great special effects, an interesting Clark/Lex relationship, the exploration of what it means to become a superhero, the dynamic between Clark's upbringing and what was meant for him by the Kryptonians, AND a sci-fi twist to the Clark Kent/Superman mythology.... what's not to love???

Monday, March 19, 2007

Neglect

My poor blog. I keep meaning to get around to updating it, but it never seems to get done. For one thing, J. has been on spring break for the last two (TWO!!) weeks which means that I haven't had the "me" time as is necessary for thoughtful posting. And I've also been kind of dry for content.

Maybe I'll leave it up to my two or three readers. Leave a comment to choose which of these subjects I should comment on in a future post:

1. My love/hate relationship with American Idol
2. Why Smallville is the best TV show ever!
3. My exercise regimen (including what I suck at and hope to improve upon)
4. A pity-me post about why I feel lonely in this city and want to go home
5. Why I think it's ludicrous that J. had two full weeks off of school

There you have it. Choose. CHOOSE NOW!

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Oh Kitty, My Kitty!

J. posted a wonderful little album of The Kitty on his Facebook page, but I find them suitably cute to post them here as well. All hail The Kitty!





Don't Know Where I'm Going

But I Know Where I've Been!



create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

This is my visited states map, as stolen from Lorn, as stolen from elsewhere.

Traveling is on my mind lately. Living in this big city has led to a craving for open spaces, big skies, and a little bit more personal space.

On the phone the other day, Lorn mentioned the mountains near Albuquerque (I'm finally getting the hang of spelling it!), and I felt an envious sort of longing welling up within me. A remnant of watching the episode of The Real World: Denver in which a few of the housemates make it to the top of a mountain, to be certain. What a wonderful feeling that must have been, to be on top of the world!

So trip number 2 on my wishlist (as arranged by timeline, not by preference) is to travel to once again to New Mexico to partake in some mountaineering, if at all possible.

Trip number 1, meanwhile, is the celebration of engagement and subsequent marriage of my old horn-playing buddy, CS. It will be exciting to meet her young offspring and her new beau.

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Deep Breath

I have been thinking about writing this post for a very long time. I have been, with good reason, I think, hesitant to type this, though I'm starting to feel as though honesty is really the best way to go about things, whether in real life or online. So here goes:

I am no longer planning to make a career for myself as a horn player.

This has definitely been a fact which I've had to come to terms with. When I was 12 years old, I wrote in my journal that I wanted to play the horn professionally for the rest of my life (I had been playing for 4 years at that point), and I continued believing this until recently.

I am starting to realize that I held onto this dream a little bit longer than it was a practicality, mainly for reasons of pride. After all, I've spent thousands of dollars on this enterprise, and have two degrees in horn performance. I'd always thought that they'd amount to, at the very least, a doctorate and a job as a professor of music somewhere. But, it is not to be.

I see now that I'd been carrying this ambition around with me for so long that it started to feel like dead weight, and I became very unhappy, very slowly, over a very long time. There's really no way to describe myself or my mood in K-zoo last summer, let alone since the time I graduated. I really felt as thought the rug (i.e. my support system) had been taken from under me, and I didn't know where to turn.

I consider myself very lucky that even though I did feel stuck in K-zoo for that year, and my attitude was less than stellar, I was able to play in a great orchestra (who, for unknown reasons, asked me back!) and teach lessons to a great group of kids. None of it really made me happy, though.

I try not to look at moving to New York as some kind of escape. No one here knows me, and know one knows that I wanted to be a professor of horn someday. And I find that all very freeing. And now that I am feeling less beholden to some kind of pre-arranged destiny, I am finally able to relax and take a good hard look at what I've gotten myself into.

The truth is, I will always love the horn, and I hope that some day I find that I love *playing* the horn. Right now, I really don't, actually. At the moment, I feel as though I am a shadow of my form horn-playing self. I don't have the ability I once had, and that's a fact I mourn on a daily basis.

I have been, instead, supplementing this emptiness with an intense work-out routine. It feels so wonderful to stretch into new territory, to see how my abilities increase with each work out. I love seeing a goal move forward into unknown directions, and I know this is something that playing the horn has given me: a strong determination to see a task through, and an ability to work relentlessly for a desired outcome.

Because of this, I know that the money and the time in educational institutions has been worth something, after all.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

mind on my money, and my money on my mind

I mentioned in my last post that I've been intent on keeping close track of my finances, for reasons I've revisited through reading Generation Debt.

I've been a penny-pincher since I was a little girl. It's a small portion of my inherited worry-wort status. I've been feeling vindicated lately, though, because I'm beginning to realize that A. there IS cause for concern in this economic climate and B. it IS possible to let activism fill up that space inside of me that it usually reserved for money worries.

Without getting to statistical on you at the moment, I can tell you that this is a bad time, financially, to be coming into my own, as is any member of this generation. Evidence of this is all around us. Is anyone you know stuck in the vortex of living at home, waiting for job prospects to open for them? I can personally count a few, and my mother has told me on several occasions that she frequently speaks with parents of other adrift 23 year olds who are waiting for their financial situation to be such that they can move out and take care of themselves. These parents are worried about their children, and with good cause!

Admittedly, some of the children of these concerned parents never made it to college, but many of them did, and are now in the hole by tens of thousands of dollars. Others, who may be more fortunate, are out on their own, but have also accumulated enough debt with which to buy a small house. I know someone like that quite personally.

It's tough for me to imagine a bright and shiny future with said person, as the staggering amount of debt is a huge sticking point for a money-grubber like myself. I am not in the minority, by the way, of 20-somethings who are putting off important steps in life, like buying house or getting married (although my feelings on marriage as a social institution are nothing close to rosy, and that is for another post altogether). Many other people like me do want marriage and family, which is an admiral goal. But how can they get started if they are mired in debt and the cost of raising children is so high?

All of these issues are personal. When we look at the political sphere, things get much, much more ugly. For one, Social Security is likely to be tapped out by the boomer generation, who are aging at time when medical costs are at their highest and the span of a lifetime is much, much longer. We're headed toward a serious crisis on that account

Our potential employers can sense it too. Full-time permanent employment rates are way down, and health care is hard to come by. Temp jobs, which are low-paid and do not offer a retirement package or health plan, are increasingly taking up the space of "real jobs." This isn't even to mention the rise in big-businesses (like our beloved Starbucks and Walmart) which drive down the wages of employees.

Meanwhile, the wolves (in the forms of creditors) are at our door, enticing us with free credit card offers and pre-approved loans. Just the other day, someone offered me $29,546 in financial aid to purchase the car of my dreams.

I am lucky enough to have made it through with no debt at all, thanks to my parents, who, unlike many people's parents, have been married to each other for 27 years. This admittedly sets me apart from lots of people, and frees me from some of life's more excruciating hassles. While I am starting even, I do realize that, in order to stay ahead in this game and ensure my own social welfare, I must begin NOW and do all I can to plan ahead.

So here are a few goals that I've taken on. I'm sharing them online to encourage whomever reads this to take finances seriously, and learn to rely only on themselves for financial security.

*Adhere to a strict food budget. It really does take a big chunk out of one's bank account to eat out all the time. When I first started working at my new job, I felt finally free enough to go out to lunch regularly. In the first two weeks of this behavior, I probably spent around $130.00 total. After all is said and done, this money seems to have gone up in flames. I have rededicated myself to brown-bagging lunches.

In order to make home made lunches fun and interesting, I firstly grant myself one day a week to eat out. On the other days, I fix an easy lunch that consists of half a bowl of soup, with a cup of rice added to it for bulk, a homemade Greek salad, and a piece of fruit. I plan to add soy yogurt and a melange of peanuts and raisins to my at-work diet.

*Consider clothing an investment--no reckless spending! I try to buy only well fitting, well-made clothes that are built to last. Even though they are more expensive up front, nothing is more stupid than buying something that fits only okay because it's on sale. In the end, your dollar amount per article will decrease the more you wear it.

* Drop the purchases of luxury items, like lattes, bottled water, magazines, etc. This is hard at first, but I try to remember that a penny saved is a penny earned.

*Curtail the nights on the town, and try to find other homebody friends. At the very least, try to find cheaper bars, and always try to steer towards less expensive eateries.

*Make fewer trips to the ATM. When the cash is gone, it's gone, so budget!!

*Plan as many no-cards days as possible. I leave my debit card at home on purpose sometimes.

*Save, save, save! I use my rent and bills as a bench mark for how much money I really need. Everything that's left over goes straight into savings. When I hit the $1000 mark in savings, I plan to open a money market account that has higher interest per dollar.

As a result of all of the above reasons, I was able to save $500 of last month's paycheck. I realize that if I make it a goal to have as much in savings as I possibly can, it actually becomes a game for me to figure out how to navigate my life in this consumerist world without spending recklessly. Hopefully this is a trend that will continue, as I gain responsibility for myself, instead of relying on outside factors to get my by later. I think that kind of power is kinda cool, you know?